Maybe One More Cup

Coffee and I have a long and happy history together. I have tracked my coffee consumption from 10 cups* a day (and two liters of coke) to my current level of 4 Mr. Coffee cups almost every day. While there was a conscious effort to reduce from the 10 cups and two liters a day the current demise in consumption is entirely due to my sedate retirement lifestyle.

* Its important to differentiate between coffee cups. A normal human identifies a cup of coffee as that 16–20oz carafe served up at any respectable java stop. Mr. Coffee and all those other home brewers identify a cup as 8 oz which is insulting to the average caffeine fan.

When I heard the news that another beneficial application for coffee has been discovered I redoubled my effort to ensure my daily consumption. What would drive me to reverse this trend toward decaffeination?

I am old. OK, maybe not ancient, just old. I exercise to avoid atrophy and to reduce the spare tire I carry about. This exercise stuff does not always go well. My body has complained in many different ways that, perhaps, physical fitness mightt best be left for others.

This week, while perusing the job boards and delaying my morning treadmill workout, I heard the TV reveal that some smart scientist has discovered that coffee reduces or eliminates pain when exercising.

Now, I don’t give one damn whether that scientist was from the Vanderbilt University Institute For Coffee, Coffee Quality Institute® (CQI), The Coffee Brewers Institute or Coffee Brewers.org (all real). I wouldn’t care if Juan Valdez heralded the news. OK, I am a bit concerned that a University has a coffee institute.

The results are in; java rolls back the aches of time. Wake up Joltin’ Joe; java is back.

Just to be sure, I looked up the benefits of coffee. Even Harvard Medical piled on in listing the benefits of a regular cup. According to the reports coffee helps or delays type 2 Diabetes, Parkinson's disease, colon cancer, Alzheimer's disease, liver disease, and skin cancer, lowers blood pressure.

These smart folks tell me that coffee’s ‘Antioxidants are your army to protect you from the toxic free radicals.’ I’m down with that. In my military career everyone complained about free radicals. Protecting me from those nasty hippy dudes can’t be bad. Apparently, coffee enlisted to help out.

But my research produced the kicker headline; Decaffeinated coffee may cause heart problems, warns US study. Harvard also said that decaffeinated coffee may raise cholesterol. If the anti-coffee is bad, real coffee must be good.

Sure there are kill joys that state that coffee may cause Exhausted Adrenal Glands, Severe Blood Sugar Swings, Acid Imbalance, and Essential Mineral Depletion.

But come on, acid imbalance or pain free exercise. What would you choose? If I have to tread that circular path to nowhere let me do it without a throbbing knee.

Besides, if Joltin’ Joe played ball in the 1990’s wouldn’t he be tempted to give up the caffeine for something more potent and available over the counter n many Caribbean countries (according to A-Rod)? So, please, don’t begrudge my little caffeinated friend.

Other random thoughts of my coffee relationship:
• I once pursued the perfect cup of coffee. After 10 years or so I abandoned the quest having determined that the best cup was located in a hotel in Belgium. It was 25 years ago and I still remember it.

• My in-laws only drink tea and I acquiesce when I am with them. Yet after 25 years they still ask if I want milk or tea. And for 25 years I have consistently said no. I am still polite about it despite being deprived coffee.

• I have an espresso machine. It can steam milk and make lattes. I don’t see the purpose – a twist of lemon peel makes espresso perfect and cuts down the acid.

• I started drinking black coffee because I was the new guy on the third shift and had to get everyone coffee. When I stopped taking custom orders and started bringing black and fixings the older guys ensured that there was never cream and sugar for me.

• I once was out of coffee and had a take home philosophy exam to complete. I found some Army C-Ration coffee packets that I had saves so I made a cup. The coffee was week in flavor and the color of a beige workstation. I poured in another packet and drank it. The next day I handed in a thirty page paper. Only later did it occur to me that army C-Rations contain mostly caffeine rather than coffee. The note on the paper when I got it back was that I “Got an A based on weight alone”.