Biggest Loser

I am the biggest loser.

Husband and wives should never try to lose weight together. Men have it all over the women in the weight loss game. It’s just unfair and we relish it.

Men have several advantages;
1. We love to eat crap. There are so many things that we eat that we deny to our spouses. When we go out on errands our secret reward is a snack banned from the house. When it comes to dieting we have so much more to give up.
2. We are competitive. We compete with our spouses, our scales and ourselves. We need to win this weight loss game. Each pound is a victory. Two pounds is a veritable crushing.
3. Every one of us is an athlete. There is not a treadmill or weight machine that we can’t out pace or out lift. Sure it may take a while but we expect aches and pains along the way. That twang we here on the resistance machine can only be the Bowflex cord splitting, not our hamstrings. Even if it was our hamstring we would rationalize the injury and figure that it was a bad day not a failing body.
4. We all firmly believe that a well toned and slimmer body will result in phenomenal sex. Our personalities will be better when we are thinner, legions of women will flock to us, and our spouses will spend all day fantasizing about us. This alone makes any sacrifices worthwhile.
5. We are dumb (see the previous four points).

Inherently, I admit the unfairness. Thus, it is with some trepidation I announce the current score; 25 to 1. Yes, I have lost twenty-five pounds over the last two and a half months and Pat has lost one.

This isn’t fair. This isn’t right. This isn’t indicative of the effort or sacrifices that Pat has made. It just is. I have great compassion for her effort. She even has given up wine without whining. She deserves better that this.

Yet the fact remains; I LOST TWENTY FIVE POUNDS IN TWO MONTHS AND A HALF MONTHS.

I am currently below 200 lbs. I admit this publicly for all to read. I think that this is the first time this century that this has happened.

I am still way too heavy but I am not the land beast that I used to be.

Still, if Pat isn’t happy with where she is, I will remain the biggest loser.