The Lesson Plan

I was reading Write on, Yo Mama Morris! ( a truly great blog). She complained about the driving of others and admited her ultimate use of “a bad word” in front of her children. I was reminded of this story relayed to me by a friend that still makes me chuckle twenty years later:

Mitch, a co worker came home one day to be confronted by his wife. ‘What are you teaching our son’ she demanded. Mitch was confused; he had taught his four year old soccer skills, how to eat peas and a number of other valuable skills. What could his wife be complaining about? ‘Where did he learn the word ‘asshole’?’ she further demanded.

Mitch thought about this for a while. He couldn’t remember constructing and delivering that lesson plan. As hard as he thought, he could remember diagramming the word in the chalk board or the test that ensued. So, with some trepidation, Mitch decided to pursue the issue in the way the dumbfounded could only do; “Huh?” he asked.

His wife, with some eagerness, explained, “When I picked him up from daycare we stopped and picked up some groceries dinner. So when we left the garage I had two bags to carry as well as my computer bag.”

Mitch did not help himself by replying, “So.” Mitch has always been consistent in his ability to be monosyllabic.

“Well,” continued his wife ignoring his contributions to the discussion. “YOUR son got in his big wheel and began pedaling slowly along the breezeway in front of me. No matter what I said he refused to go faster or get out of the way. I almost dropped YOUR dinner.”

Mitch, still clueless and feeling that things weren’t going his way contributed a sullen “OK . . .”

Despite Mitch’s well thought out reply his wife ignored his response and finished “When I asked him what he was doing and why he wouldn’t go faster he replied ‘I’m being an asshole.’ When I asked hi what an asshole is he told me that ‘An asshole is someone who drives slow in front of you when you want to go to the donut shop.’”

In retrospect, Mitch was reminded of the lesson plan he had developed.